of keys that I would like removed from my keyboard.
1. Insert key
WHAT KIND OF A SICK JOKE IS THIS? I mean seriously, WTF. You know what the only thing I want to insert is? A sharp object up the bastard who invented this key's bottom. The number of times I've been crafting an article, email or essay, only to find that I've inadvertently hit 'insert' and typed over half of my work, is enough to make me type angrily in caps (see above), which is my second most hated key (see below).
1. Caps lock
"HEY WAT U UP TO?"
Is there anything more terrifying than seeing a message like this pop up in facebook chat? Personally it makes me reel from my computer in fear. It's a friendly enough question, so why are they yelling? Can they see my screen? Am I 'up to' something I shouldn't be? Good god, I'm in trouble. Then comes the second message: "oops sry caps."
Even worse is when I do it myself, typing things like "YEAH DINNER SOUNDS SWEET" when I'm trying to be cool about accepting a date request, or "CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE ME A TEA" (yes, I facebook chat my flatmates), making me sound like a demanding bitch. It's awful. I understand that some people type status updates and messages in caps deliberately, but in my opinon these are the worst kind of humans.
3. The semi-colon
My beef with this key is not that I might hit it accidentally, its just that i'm afraid of the semi-colon in general. You'd think that with my prestigious education in english (one BA and quarter of a journalism diploma), that I would have a fairly firm handle on all punctuation marks, but alas it isn't so. I used to pretend that I knew how to use it, littering it randomly through sentences in place of a comma; but I've since come to accept that I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Maybe you're supposed to use it in lists or something? I don't know. Get rid of it.
4. Num lock
Oh cool, a key that lets me type in numbers instead of words. GTFO.
5. Mystery disaster key
I don't really have a fifth key but I wouldn't have felt very accomplished with a list of four. That said, there is some key that only my cat knows about which closes all of my windows at once and causes my computer to beep angrily at me. It usually happens when I'm in the middle of some juicy conversation, while simultaneously working on a 30 percent essay which I have neglected to save. Mogwai (cat) will leap on to the keys - seemingly from out of nowhere - and boom, I'm in panic city. If I ever discover where this key is then I will wedge it out with a screwdriver and put it in Mogwai's litter box to be shat on.
[UPDATE: It has come to my attention that Num Lock does not really turn letters into numbers (that'll learn me for being a lazy blogger), but is in fact even more useless than I had imagined. Thanks Barnaby]
my kitty knows a key that makes my keyboard not work at all. kittys be very smart, they know magic keys that we cant even see.
ReplyDeleteIs that you Ombler? Hi! And yes they are, in fact I suspect kittys are behing 99% of internet haxxing.
ReplyDelete"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college." - Kurt Vonnegut
ReplyDeleteNum lock is actually pretty cool, cause if its not on, the num pad turns from a useful pad of easy to press numbers to a bunch of keys that already exist elsewhere on the keyboard. 0 becomes another Insert key! Nobody wants that now do they!
ReplyDelete